Birds are gathering together.
It´s travelling time to them.
Time to leave Estonia for while.
Summer is over.
Dark and cold times ahead.
People are moving in- in every sense.

A week ago was 1 st of september. Kind of remarkable day of a year. Almost like 1st of january.

Well, at least here in Est. Our schoolyear starts on that day and if you have been in the system for 12 years then it stays in your bones. It´s a bit like time to look back how the year has started and where are you now. Maybe to set a new plan for reaching some goals you had in the beginning or maybe even to set the new ones.

For me the year has turned up to be totally differnet than I thought. If someone would have told me in january about the things that has happened till now, I would have just had a great laugh. I had so certan dreams and plans. but…

Let´s say that life just had a good laugh at me 😀

Those changes have been pretty scary at first but now it all have ended up for good. I think that it is always scary when you discover that life has its own curvy ways to suprise you and you can´t always have a plan. Or you CAN have it but it just doesn´t work most of the times. But if you greet the changes with open heart then you can find it great and suprising . Everything that comes is just so right.

During the year I have learned that sometimes it is just so hard to let go. This has actually been my biggest challenge during last years. If in generally it has been how to let go people and memories, then this year I have dealed how to let go of my dreams. I have learned about myself that if I put the dream in my pocket then it can so stronlgy become a part of me. And if this dream somehow doesn´t work, I have a hard time to let it go. To make a room for new ones.

I have also noticed very strongly that good things can find the way to you anyway 🙂 

And sometimes it is good to grasp the nettle but sometimes it is good to take things step by step. Great ideas and big changes need to have some time as a good wine gets better with time.

In practical matter I have learned that practical things don´t matter 🙂 I have never been a “things lover” but now I think even more wisely about all the “shit” we have in life and actually don´t need. I even went so far that it seems I have no clothes to put on 😀

There is an important lesson I have learned about money. I have never cared about money. Now I kind of made peace with it. That I don´t need to give it all away as soon as I have some 😛 I have learned to save money more but I have also invested a lot of money into myself. Into learning, into the dreams that I have about myself.

The greatest thing I have experienced that people are so superb. That the power of conversation can be remarkable and truly touching.

This year has brought me some very good and sweet friends. Actually they have been in my life before. For 13-14 years or 3-4 years. But this year kind of made our connection stronger cos we have taken the quality time to get closer. And those are the ones who support me on my way, who truly belive in me and this is just so warming. And I belive in them, they are so great!

And finally- the most scaring discovery about myself was that it is important to me to have a home. To have a place that is kind of my castle. And I thought that I´m not “a thing person”. But this is a thing I need to have. It can actually be just a peace of land where i will put my tent. But it has to be mine. So strange but I can´t help it… Well, what can I say- when I was a child then my biggest dream was to have my own room…

And this year brought it to me. An amazing place with amazing view and synergy. I physically feel how good it is to be there. It also brought me closer to the land, to mother earth.
Just to sit on the lawn and talk to the nature.
To let the dreams flow and warm heart grow.

I guess I needed it all in my life. Somehow. At the moment.

And how to move on with the rest of the year now?
Well- a big changes ahead again and lets see what I will write here after 4 month 😉

Arhiiv